I used to post on this blog fairly regularly but for the past couple of years it has been mostly silent. I’d love to make excuses of house moves, job changes, studies, baby arrival, marriage commitments blah, blah, blah… but the truth is I stopped blogging because I realised I’m a jerk when I blog. Many of not most of my previous posts have been angry, sarcastic, mocking rants that do not invite approach from people who disagree with me. In one such post my words and judgements had been crushing to another person. And I couldn’t undo it. I know that I’m not responsible for everyones response and it’s the internet and things can be misunderstood etc etc. But I sort of got to a point where I didn’t want to be that critical and I didn’t know how to go on a blog rant without mocking so I just stopped.
But over the past few days Jayber has been beating the blog drum. He’s going to think that he is responsible for my return but he’s not (ok he is a little bit) but mostly it’s because I found a blog I really love. weefrizz. I love it. Reading it has made me itchy to engage again, to write again, to think again, reflect. Reading it made me miss Espero and Jaybercrow but rumour has it they may return again too.
Today Espero asked a question “how do we live lives of adventure again?” and I hate her for asking that question because it reminds me how afraid I am as a person. And how comfortable I have become with being ‘safe’. Maybe beginning this blog again is my move out of safety. I have to risk the fact that sometimes I’m too much with my ranty gub and sometimes that gub hurts others and maybe I have to risk that rather than never speaking again. (I will try to be more sensitive though!)
There is also that feeling that I have nothing to write about these days because my life is all about dreaming about how many more minutes my child might sleep before waking AGAIN and how the F* I get him to drink from something other than my boob and if I have broken him by letting him roll off the sofa TWICE under my watch and well, you get the idea. But as a wise man said “don’t knock the trivial – life is a series of repetitive tasks” and that sentence has given me an unusual freedom to join the blogging world again.
So I’m in!