a wee lesson learned in marriage

I don’t normally blog about personal stuff, only God stuff – he’s not personal at all.  Anyway if there was ever an occasion to break the norm it is surely getting married.

nelly and I (see what i did there?!) tied the knot almost a month ago – so far our married life has literally been a holiday until today when i finally started back to work.  Marriage is not like the movies, it’s both better and worse.  It’s definitely more messy.

When you’re married to someone you don’t just see them in a deeper way, you see yourself more too.  For me this part hasn’t been so fun, it’s the most transparant relationship i’ve ever been in, I can’t hide.  I want to hide.  But the crap just keeps coming out of my heart.

I look at my new husband (sounds like I just bought him in tesco) and I am often ashamed by how I treat him, I am ashamed of the ways I  am impatient with him, the ways i am selfish around him, the ways I fail to see him and enjoy him,… basically being in a relationship this up-close-and-personal blatantly exposes my failure to love well.  I feel shit about this a lot.  (incidentally this tends to make me treat him worse!)

I was saying this to nelly earlier, and he helped me to see that my despair over what is exposed of my heart is only there because I refuse to believe that God is the one who enables us to love one another.  I feel like it’s up to me to fix me.  I feel despair because i view God as being on the sidelines saying ‘come on, just love him better, get it right, stop being so self absorbed and selfish..’ I am legalistic about loving well, but in fact God goes before me, loving andy in ways and to extents that I will never comprehend and I as his wife just get to partake and join in on that.  We love one another because we are wrapped up in Him.

This is a cooler way to live – and my very cool husband just helped me figure it out.  cheers;-)

Explore posts in the same categories: Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: