girls who love boys who love girls…

From the film “Lars and the real girl”:

Lars Lindstrom: How’d you know?
Gus: How’d I know what?
Lars Lindstrom: That you were a man
Gus: Ahhh. I couldn’t tell ya.
Lars Lindstrom: Was it… okay, was it sex?

The other week zoomtard was givin it socks and I learned a lot.  But one of the things that it got me thinking about (through a picture of some man i’m too young to appreciate) was how thankful i am that Jesus never got married.  Not because it would have been a terrible thing, but because it reminds me that being whole sexually, physically, emotionally, spiritually and any other way does not depend on sex or marriage because Jesus is the most complete human being that has ever been.  And in today’s culture that seems significant.

Every culture has it’s rites of passages.  Hunting, tattoos, graduation, first beer, first communion, first kiss… sex… .  our community tells us that we’re not quite whole unless we’ve gone through ‘the’ process.  We will always be an outsider looking in until we do it (whatever ‘it’ may be).   In the west one of the strongest messages we receive is that our sexuality is only complete when we’ve experienced sexual intercourse.  We will not be real women or men until…  but Jesus’ sexuality was not lacking anything.  Therefore, our femininity and masculinity is never found in sex.  I know this to be true and yet i still find it hard to get my head around.

What is our masculinity and femininity? are they even real things or are they social constructs? i don’t think so.  But what is it then that allows these parts of us to flourish or be restored?  It’s definitely not sex, and the sooner we learn that the better because to live like it is damages us and those around us.

In the movie Lars’ brother answers the question like this:

Gus: Um. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s uh, yeah, yeah it’s kind of – it’s uh – no. Well, it’s kind of sex but it’s not uh, you know? I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s – uh – good question, good question.
Lars Lindstrom: Yeah, but I have to know
Gus: Well, it’s not like you’re one thing or the other, okay? There’s still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what’s right for you, what’s right for everybody, even when it hurts.
Lars Lindstrom: Okay, like what?
Gus: Like, you know, like, you don’t jerk people around, you know, and you don’t cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, you know, and you admit when you’re wrong, or you try to, anyways. That’s all I can think of, you know – it sound like it’s easy and for some reason it’s not.

loving people well? is that the answer to what it means to be whole sexually, and any other way.  maybe old Gus is onto something?…

Me in my small corner has also been thinking about this if you’re interested.

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6 Comments on “girls who love boys who love girls…”

  1. clairebo Says:

    I remember when Trevor Morrow preached a sermon series on sexuality a few years ago. He raised the suggestion that when Jesus was physically close with the “inner circle” of apostles whom he loved, this was an expression of his sexuality. (This is not to imply homosexuality of course; only that love for others, expressed in word and touch and action, is a holistic expression of sexuality.)

    I love this image of Christ with his arms around his friends. I am comfortable with the idea that the physical affection I share with my many friends (which incidentally is a deep joy for me) is an expression of just one aspect of my sexuality.

    In an over-sexualised culture where girls as young as six are wearing the Playboy symbol on their halter tops (to go with their ra-ra skirts and false tan) we seem to have linked sexuality exclusively with arousal and physical gratification. This is so two-dimensional it’s beyond belief. It’s really sad actually.


  2. Simply superb post. Deadly stuff bud!

  3. anna Says:

    thanks for this.

  4. espero Says:

    Great post, my fav movie from last year.

  5. FF Says:

    Good thoughts. I think the key to it all is intimacy. Sometimes sex is intimate, and sometimes it isn’t… and sometimes friendship, family etc. offer intimate encounters with another human. And in my humble opinion that can be just as significant.


  6. […] dear friend Wylie wrote a while ago about gender and rites of passage and sexuality with her customary light touch. […]


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